A guy was introducing a new friend of his to his buddies, “This is Al they call him Triple Lucky”.

“Triple Lucky?” says one of the guys, “How’d you get that?”

“I was in a plane crash once, and was the only one to walk away alive,” said Lucky.

“That was lucky”, said another.

“Another time I was on a boat that sank in the ocean and was the only one who survived,” Lucky said.

“That was lucky too,” said a third man.

A few moments went by with more general conversation until the first man questioned, “Wait a minute, what’s the third reason for the nickname?”

“My neighbor had left for a week long business trip, so I snuck over to get it on with his wife.  Well, he came home early and caught us in the act.  He shot me in the ass,” said Lucky.

“What’s so lucky about that?” they asked.

A couple gets married and goes on their honeymoon.  After a passionate first night of sex, the new bride asks her husband, “Would you mind if I played with your balls?”

He replied, “Sure.  Go ahead!”

After a second night of heated sex the bride asks, “Could I play with your balls again?”

Puzzled, the husband again responded, “Be my guest!”

At the end of the third straight night of love making, she again asks, “Would you mind if I play with your balls?”

The husband struggles with this and says, “That’s fine, but why do you always want to play with my balls after we have sex?”

The bride said, “Because I miss mine.”

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment, and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.  After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.  This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.  The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again.  Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.  Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear "No, I  Norwegian."

Some new lingo to use when you're out on the course... 

A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't

A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another

A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand

A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water

A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed
 
An 'O.J.'- got away with one
 
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver

A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver

A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good

A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole
 
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right

A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds

A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read

A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out

A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist

A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees
 
A 'Mickey Mantle' - a dead yank

A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised.  Till now, he's only been down there twice.  Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".